Firstly, please let me know if this type of post is not allowed and I will remove it.
I am my own co-worker and I also fuck up. I get panic attacks. I get anxiety attacks. I also get depressed from stress to the point where I struggle to get on the job. This, in turn, makes me feel like I'm not doing my job properly and I pick at everything, every decision, I made through the day. Some days it's worse, some days it's a walk in the park. And it can go from those two extremes throughout the day. I am human.
That being said, when they decided to have me be a supervisor, I really did not want to take on that role and got a panic attack. Because supervisors get the angry customers (though I work with them all the time, as the customer service rep and the supervisor), and they get angrier if they are not happy with what you give them. I prefer to e-mail, not call people. I can edit my e-mail and make it flow. I cannot edit a conversation. I have had to pretend to be a supervisor before, but was given a script to give, a unique one for each unique situation. I have taken the initiative on a few e-mails that seemed to escalate to the point where they did not need to. But the customer did not ask for a supervisor, though I reaplied as such. Why? I was told to do so. "Pretend you were just going through the e-mails and happened across their e-mail. Makes us look pro-active."
I haven't been a supervisor of my department for long. Maybe roughly 9 months with the official title. And of those 9 months, I actually had staff to look over for like 3 months and even then they are part-time so I'm by myself for over half the day, every shift. So, I get the worst anxiety attacks when I have to call upset customers, supervisor call or not. I would usually get some anxiety when getting on calls before, but it's worse now. The fight or flight response in me makes me freeze. The longer I have worked in customer service, the worse it has gotten.
I had a calm supervisor call this morning. Very straight forward. Customer was upset their order was not delivered properly, in the wrong bags, and shit went south pretty bad. We were going to lose a long-time customer over one driver's lack of caring, which made us look like we didn't care. She wanted a full refund. Well...I spent 15 minutes just trying to just dial her number, almost to the point where I wanted to cry my eyes out and ask my boss to call as the manager because I wasn't feeling well. I still called her. Heard her out, acted surprised about the driver (I'm not, he's an asshole). And rather than to bargain with her, I gave her what she wanted. A refund of whatever was delivered...plus a gift card to try and keep her as a long-time client. She was happy, I was not. I feel like I did not make the right call...because I didn't know what the right call would have been for the company. And I spent another 15 minutes analyzing this 10 minute call, on what I could have said differently, what I forgot to say, how to have NOT issued her a refund and still had her want to stay as a client...etc...etc... because it was the wrong decision. Now I'm paranoid about the boss asking me what the resolution was, and how to avoid giving her a refund. I notice I'm starting to stutter more on my calls and just freeze...like halfway through a sentence, I will pause and then continue, completely forgetting what I was trying to say. But not when I'm typing. And it bothers me.
And I'm experiencing burnout, which is also making me not care and care too much at the same time. I've worked with a lot of other reps who experienced burnout and thinking back on it, some of my habits right now, were also their habits. Some ended up quitting their jobs. Some took an extended vacation and came back refreshed. I have not. Though I took a small vacation and felt refreshed, I also didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to just quit and start over.
Ideally, I want to transition out of customer service, but I'm not sure how to do it. I feel like starting at in a part-time position, then transitioning out completely. The last few jobs I applied to stated that I had more experience in that field and would be better suited to it. I know I can just keep applying, but I wanted to vent a bit.